I want to say I'm fine, and that I am coping well. However, I can't pretend anymore. I am so tired of everything that's been happening to me. Hub and I are not fine, and I can only wish (and hope) that we'll be back to what we've been in the future. It's damn hard that I cannot even tell a soul or probably that I can't bring myself to tell anyone everything I want to share. I don't know where to start telling anyway. Everything's a blur. The last good thing I remember is him hugging me and telling me it's just me he loves. I gave him a weekend to spend with the people he wants to spend time with, and he never came back anymore. I wish he'll just be back. I miss him terribly. This week, I thought I was angry enough that I can shout in his face that I don't want him ever again. But who am I kidding. I love him, and I've failed to make him feel that. I wish that we can just go back in time, when we're just getting to know each other, and know all these and not cause him any hurt. God I miss him so much I looked over his profile picture in FB and kissed him. I thought I cannot break more than I did last May 18, but I've never been more wrong. Everyday I don't see him or hear from him or see him online, I break in a million more pieces.
Next, the team has not completed the quota for two weeks now. While I understand that people are tired, I can't quite make myself understand that. I can't quite put the disappointment into words anymore.
Lord, please make me strong. I need You now. I feel so alone, and I am hurting so much. Please hug me as I sleep tonight, and please hear what my heart has been telling You. Only You can hear it. I know You know what's going on. Please help me. Let me feel the love that's been lacking in my life.