Sunday, May 16, 2010

Afterthoughts of a weekend

It's amazing how much I was able to forget while out with great people in a great place.

It has been a great weekend with people I love being with. I love all the talking and the laughing and the swimming and even the drinking (first time to try vodka). For a little less than 24 hours, I forgot I wasn't wanted. Forgot that there was a quota yet to be completed. Forgot that tomorrow will be the start of a new work week. Forgot I was hurting. Forgot just about everything even if it was a place we spent time together.

What the friends said were all comforting. But the moment I stepped in Manila, there it was again -- that feeling I can't quite put into words. I was able to stop crying for 24 hours, but there it was again. Maybe, it was the vodka that allowed me to sleep soundly. Maybe that should become a part of the nightly routine. But it must really be the good friends with the vodka. Hehe. No, it was really the good friends.

I wish I can just stay there forever, even if it will bring back memories eventually. I wish I can stay lounging in the pool, facing the sun and seeing only the light. I kind of don't care about the weird tan lines anymore (courtesy of the monokini). It was great just being there. I felt one with the water, one with the trees, one with the sky, one with the sun. I felt whole. I felt like I wasn't looking for anything.

That is what I realized when I came home: I will really leave this place if things don't work out. I will need to. It will hurt more to leave friends, but somehow that will keep me sane and healthy. Happy, maybe not. But I guess, right now, sane is what I am really after.

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