Thursday, July 29, 2010
The Story of my List: A good kind of weird
Sometime this month when I was crushed into nothingness, my supervisor, Mich, shared with me the secret of The List. So what is The List?
The List is to be done this way: On a sheet of paper, I should list down everything that I want from my future partner. When I do this, I should not have an idealized version of a partner in mind or my ex-partner for that matter. The List has to be specific (e.g. I want him to be able to bear all my complaints about my work). After that, study The List, take it to heart or whatever. Just make sure you keep The List in mind.
Now, be The List.
So what is the lesson of The List?
The lesson of the list is that before I find "that person" for me, I have to be "that person" for someone else. :)
Personally, I found the list to be a wonderful idea, though it took me about at least two weeks to get down on writing my list. I didn't put all sorts of crazy things on it, though. They were very basic but very specific nonetheless. As I worked on being my List, slowly, The List revealed itself to me (or at least a small part of it).
It didn't dawn on me fast. It has been probably a week after I wrote it that this guy I have been eyeing revealed my List to me. Actually, that only happened this week even if the things he's shown happened the week before. If I'm not mistaken, it was last Tuesday that I realized this, and my heart skipped a beat. It was weird, that realization. But it was a good kind of weird. It was the kind of weird that makes one smile. :)
At this point, I am not really sure what will happen to us (or if anything will even happen) except that I am happy talking to him and getting to know him in the process. I like how he is affecting me. When I think of him, I have this want to be a good person because he genuinely seems to be one. Further, I am not a very patient person, but I do not want to rush this "something." For the first time in my life, I am taking things as they are. Never rushing. Just here. I don't know how long I need to wait for him or how long will it take me to be really ready, but it seems like I am all for waiting right now. Like I told my friend, I don't want a relationship yet. I just came from a breakup after all. I am not sure what I want at this point. I don't want this guy to be just someone who will take my ex's place because he is worth more than that. For now, I feel that we are friends, and for such a simple word, it really means a lot to me.