Monday, February 20, 2012

Bittersweet Ending

After 4 years, 4 months, and 2 days in the company, I finally quit.

I never blatantly wrote about quitting my job in this blog (or anywhere else for that matter) because I didn't have the guts to break the news to the people, I realized, are the only people I really care about in the workplace -- my tutors -- and I don't want them to find out through this blog. I didn't have the heart to tell them. I don't want to see their faces when I tell them the news. So I really postponed the goddamned thing until I cannot postpone it anymore because I only have a little over a week left on the 30 days I need to render before I can leave.

I remember the exact night when I finally made the decision to resign. It was the same night my tutors went off to Vikings to stuff themselves silly, which is one of the many things my team and I share. I was supposed to go with them, but I found myself broke, again, which is more like the rule than the exception in the last few months of 2011. If I wasn't mistaken, it was the first day of the 3-day Endurance Test that we were to take a part of. It was the ultimate shove that sent me catapulting to resignation Wonderland. I was in Yellow Cab then having late dinner with Le Boyfriend when I told him if I only have this something, I'll resign now. Nothing will stop me. He asked me if that is really what I really need and really the only thing that's stopping me. I said yes. He said he'll get me that. I said, "Ok. I'll hand over my resignation letter after the party." And that I really did.

I tried (very hard, I must say) to see all the good things about my job in the last few months there: the flexible schedule, all the lazing around I can do, and handle the most wonderful tutors in the company (I'm not going to be kidding anyone -- NOT everyone was fun to handle), but there are things that got to me, been getting to me actually for the longest time already. Sitting next to someone I abhor is just really the start of the long list.

I didn't know where my stay is taking me anymore. People might be thinking, "she's a supervisor, reigning on top of most everyone else..." but I just didn't see where I was going anymore. I look at my right and I see someone getting prepped as QA Lordship. I look at my left and I see someone who's being prepped as the next best thing that will ever happen to Operations, and then there was me -- the middle child the parents never really paid attention to. I go to work every single day knowing these people don't really trust me with anything, I wonder where I'll be in the next few months. As a matter of fact, I led the team which won the Endurance Test that December, and the company owner made a joke about us cheating the goddamned thing. God. My tutors and I went unwashed and sleep-deprived for two fucking days and this person joked about us cheating. If I was ever going to change my mind about resigning, that hope flew out of the night sky the very instant I heard that joke. I am not going to stay for someone who thinks very little of the work I did.

A few weeks before my last day, the company tried to talk me out of my resignation saying exciting changes are on their way, they'll work on the things I wrote to my Manager, etc. But I've heard these all before. I was waiting for something, an offer actually, but I think it's still in the works and I really don't want to stay for something that's still in the works. When my tutors walked home to the Batcave with me the same day I announced my resignation, they asked if the company made me an offer. I said no, they didn't, and they didn't take it that well. They said, "If they want someone to stay, they'll offer something" which, again, made me think that, well, maybe the company really don't want me lingering around.

So here I am, two weeks into my freedom, and really, the only people I miss are my tutors.

Last February 12, my teams and I went out on our last hurrah to use the money we got from the 3-Day Endurance Test. We rented a resort in the Outing capital of the Philippines (haha) and had a great time. They sang their lungs out, I swam until I can't anymore, and we all stuffed ourselves silly with food. Before the day ended, though, they did a small program in my honor.

They started it by coercing me to cry which I didn't, so when they realized that I will never give a speech and cry, they did the next best thing -- thank me for everything I did for the teams. I almost cried at that point as they thanked me for what seemed to be every little thing I did for them: thank them for the great output, allow them to take their leaves, laugh and make noise with them, cook for them when they were starving already, etc. Things I never really thought people notice. It was only then did I feel that whatever job I did for Clientcomm was a job well done. My tutors love me, and I love them, and together we worked the best way we knew how. We laughed together, got fat together, went unwashed together, made noise together, annoyed every KJ in that office together and had the best of times together.

My ride at Clientcomm was bittersweet, but because I was with these people, I wouldn't have it any other way.

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