Countdown to 25: The Day I Turned 24

In the next few days, I'll be posting some of the highlights/craziness that happened when I was 24. Just a little looking back through the past year. =)

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I welcomed my 24th year on Earth in Philip's house playing Wii. We had dinner of Mama's famous baked tuna, took pictures, and played Wii after until the clock struck 12. I know that my eyes are giving away the sadness; I didn't want to be alone on my birthday, but I still felt alone. All throughout the night, my only thought was "My first birthday alone in 4 years." That night ended early, and home I went. I still had classes in the morning, so I need to sleep early.

Flip, Chad, Baba, Moi, Donna, Myri, Rocky, Johms, Inigo, and Khelle.

I wasn't really expecting anything. As a matter of fact, I wanted to take a leave on my birthday. I just didn't want to work. But I didn't, so I went to school. When I got to my class, I was surprised to have a cake waiting for me. The first birthday cake I ever got in my whole life. My Expository English boys gave it to me. We ate the cake instead of having a class and I took pictures with each one of them. Debutante ang peg. Ako na! That class ended and I didn't have the second one because it was exam week and they're taking their tests for their other subjects. My anak, Karla, and her gf Kathy found me and they treated me to Starbucks.

Me and my cake!

My Expository English boys.

Karla and my Happy Birthday frappe.

With Karla.

I was more than happy getting a cake that I raved about it non-stop to Philip (complete with gushing) as we made it to the office from school. I didn't know that there is an even BIGGER SURPRISE waiting for me in the office. I still can't quite find the words to describe the awesome-ness that is my 24th birthday party (and it's going to be a year in a few days), so instead of not giving enough justice to it using my words, I'll let the pictures do the talking.

Post-it covered table c/o Gaiman.

The roses were from my Gaiman boys. :)

SURPRISE. There is a video version where I looked doubly stupid. Haha.

My Gaymen!

With the mastermind. =)

Whut! Another gift?

Dedications at the back of a picture. Best.gift.ever.

Perfect gift for the vain.

With the bosses.

Letters from the Gaiman girls. :)

A complete SMT picture was actually the only gift I was asking from them.

I certainly got a lot more. =)

If my 24th year on Earth can be judged by how it started, you sure can say it will be awesome. But was it? Let's see in the coming days. =)

Four Years

I didn't plan to be in Clientcomm for long. As a matter of fact, I didn't really have plans when I was just almost 21. I haven't graduated yet. Thesis is waiting to be finished. I just really need to earn money to pay what's left of my balance in school, so I can graduate already. I found myself in training at a call center July of 2007 where I met Donna who would eventually lead me to Clientcomm. "You'll love the people there", she said. "They love reading and writing, too." My only concern was if I will be good enough to be there. After all, I didn't have any serious writing experience. "I just really love to write" is my usual answer to people who comment on my writing. "Kaya mo yon!" Donna urged, so I went to take the first two sims which I have to say is just really hard I've no brain cells left anymore after taking it. It was pain from start to finish. I didn't even know what a thesis statement is yet! But I passed that initial screening, took sims A & B, proceeded to training, and on Oct. 4, 2007, I was hired -- my first job ever.

First CCI Christmas Party. This is practically the whole team minus three people.

It's been four years since that day, and I can say that some essays still get the best of me. I doubt if that'll ever change. I still don't like literary papers, and I think that Australian and Capella students should just quit school and stop making my life so hard. Haha. That was a joke. But seriously, Clientcomm is never just work now. If I leave in the future, I'd always thank Clientcomm for the person I have become. Even with the issues and all.

Christmas Party '08. An almost complete SMT. Only Mich was missing here.

My stay hasn't been all great. I've had issues with a lot people there. Let me say that again: I've had MANY issues with a lot of people there, and the way the company is being run. For a number of times, I was tempted to leave -- to seek greener pastures in Singapore, to seek some company with more stability, to seek a job that is more rewarding and one where I can actually feel like I am getting promoted -- but I always end up staying. There is always a reason to stay. Right now, I figured it's because my job here is just not done yet.

My first team. "Team Three O'clock habit" minus Kat and Pinky.

Another Team 3 shot now with Pinky. Kat is still missing.

Original Gaiman in my surprise birthday party last year.

Another Gaiman shot.

Last July, I recruited people to complete my team lineup, and I was able to recruit 7 wonderful people and trained one, and they have been wonderful additions to my already wonderful teams. During my 4-year stay at Clientcomm, I had people guiding me every step of the way, and now it's my turn. I want these people to be the kind of worker that I am. I want them to stay because they love what they're doing and not because they don't have anywhere to go anymore. I will tell them that essaying is never easy, and they will get to a point where it's sickening already, but I hope that they don't grow to hate it. That they don't look at essaying as just a job and Clientcomm as just a company. I want them to see it as I see it: something that molded them to become the persons they want to be.

First CCI-SMT sTLs.

I've learned a lot from Clientcomm, and most of those lessons I learned from getting things wrong. The job is never easy. Just when you think nothing can break your stride anymore, there it will be hitting you right in the face, but there is always something to love. Clientcomm has the best people, and I really hope that they learn to give back to them. Not that they're not giving back. Maybe something's just lacking. Maybe things are just too slow. Maybe there are just some things that I wish they see and finally change. It's not the best company there is, but it was there when I needed it, and for that, I will always be grateful.

Second batch of sTLs with Mich.

I found the coolest boss there who is THE ONLY BOSS I saw who crawls under a table to fix the Internet connection. I found a friend in a boss I didn't actually like before. I made enemies out of my friends. Some new people irritated the hell out of me, but I eventually liked them. I found my tough-love good friend there. I found my soulmates there. I found my bestfriend-eventually-not-anymore-but-then-he'll-always-be-special friend there. I found a Kuya there. A lot of shit happened in my life, but people from Clietcomm has always been there.

Team Gaiman Productivity Award (Fall Term 2010)

I've also not been in the best shape to lead last year, but Clientcomm never gave up on me, although I feel that it has forever tainted my abilities to be an effective leader. I sometimes wonder if things will ever be the same for me again, company growth-wise, but that I leave to time.

Random 2010 shots.

Christmas Party '10

A lot of the events in my life have been crazy roller coaster rides, and Clientcomm is one of those. This one, however, hasn't ended yet. I don't know when it will end, and if it will, will I ever find myself seeking the thrill of that roller coaster ride again like a lot of people who came before me? Maybe. Maybe not. What I know is I am where I am supposed to be right now. Work is not yet done. Actually, it's already 1:32 am, and I still need to be in the office early tomorrow and start the first day of my fifth year.

Silence

I haven't been active anywhere lately which is probably the same thing I said in a post here last June. Work is consuming me which is both a good thing and a bad thing. But more than that, I am a bit concerned about people showing up in my Feedjit even if they are slightly anonymous. I don't want to sound whiny (not that there is anything to whine about lately) or to sound like people actually care about what I write which goes for my FB account, too. I don't want those people who've been showing up in my Feedjit to have something to talk about behind my back, although I know that it doesn't apply to everyone because some of those showing up do care for me.

You see, last April, I "ended" a friendship. For the most part, I did it because I knew it will give me peace, and it did. People have been doubting that friendship a lot. I just didn't want to answer the questions anymore. Besides, it got in the way of work. Mostly, I ended it because it got in the way of work. Work, in my opinion, just has to be done. For the 4 years (almost) I've worked at Clientcomm, almost nothing has stopped me from working -- not intermittent Internet connection (or no connection at all), not family affairs (my parents have always been very understanding), etc. The only time I sucked at working is when my last relationship ended and I got hospitalized (and there was no Internet connection at the hospital) . Thus, I can be a bit hard as a supervisor when people don't do their job. But I do try to be more understanding now. Another reason, which I think is the bigger reason, is that I don't like being called names. I've been there. Didn't like it one bit.

Anyway, people never really understood why I did what I did except for maybe 2-3 people who have been in the same predicament. And the things I heard and read as I thought I will be peaceful just left me hurting... and doubting everyone, which is the reason why I am just being so silent and keeping to myself.

I was never the sociable, very friendly type of person. I can honestly say that my social life is next to zero. If I am not at work, I am at home. Or I am in a vacation with people I can spend the whole night talking to. I hate small talks. That awkward oh-what-am-I-going-to-say-next silence gets to me. I was never a good conversationalist. I don't have the gift for gab. I rarely come up to people and talk. I just wasn't created that way. I am, after all, my mother's daughter. I have a hard time opening up to people. So, in a way, no matter how loud I am, I am really painfully shy inside. If I talk to people, it can be because (1) I like you (2) I trust you or (3) you're just really special I think of you as a good friend.

With that said, imagine how painful it is to know that people say "Kinakausap nga lang namin siya dahil sayo eh". And that just about ended the part where I trust people. I clammed up after that. In the company outing last June, I stayed in the room alone or only took a dip and ate when either Baba and Chad is around. Suddenly, I didn't feel like I can trust people. As a matter of fact, I don't trust people anymore, and I label people as "Safe" and "Unsafe". The safe people I can come up and talk to, and these include the ones I have recruited last July. Very few from the old circle belong in the "Safe" circle.

While it's sad not being liked, I don't really care if people will just snub me. What I really don't like are people who have the gall to talk to me just because of someone else. What kind of people are these anyway? If you're still in high school, then fine, I can try to understand, but if you're already working and you're still wired like that, well, something's definitely wrong with you. If you don't like to talk to someone, then don't. It's that simple. I don't talk to people I don't like, and I don't even care who they know. I can take haters, but people who pretend to like me? C'mon.

I don't even know why I am writing this. Probably because this has been consuming me since last May. It's about time I let it out and let it go. What I am thankful now is that I know I am in good company. Finally.