I must admit that I have been way too quiet lately. Too quiet that people are messaging me in Facebook asking why they haven't been seeing me online. I guess I am trying hard to not draw any kind of attention to me because attention is not always good. That doesn't mean that I don't have anything to say. On the contrary, I have a lot to say, but I realized that keeping mum about some things and letting them pass is really the best decision one can make sometimes.
The past month or so is something I really don't know what to call. It's been pretty good but also pretty bad. The only thing I am sure of, though, is that the past month or so taught me lessons. Actually, I think it's the past year.
I have learned that keeping quiet is the best way to handle issues sometimes. I can't count how many times I have attempted (or thought) to speak up or defend myself or simply want to make "parinig." I have realized, though, that the talking doesn't solve anything. On the other hand, it just makes things bigger because everyone has a side and when you keep on airing your side, people keep on airing theirs, too, and before you know it, everything will burgeon into something unmanageable already. People may see that as a sign that I am guilty or I know I am wrong, but no, really. I just really don't know what I'll get out of yakking about in Facebook.
I've also learned that if you can't keep quiet, then at least have the decency to talk about things privately. I am happy to have grown like this over the past year. We can all actually go back to my blogs in this very site to a year ago, and that's all I ever did -- put everything out here. Mature people talk about their issues privately. It's one thing my boyfriend now also agreed on -- no putting any arguments on Facebook. No, no, no. You don't really get anything from putting your issues out in the open. People feast on issues. People always have opinions, and ever since this whole social networking business has been in boom, the saying "keep your nose out of other people's business" just got lost. I have realized that if I have a problem with someone (or someone has a problem with me [cue greeting here: Hi, Chad! :D]), then have the balls to approach that person and tell them "I have a freakin' issue with you." This way, it's between the two of you and not you, me, and the whole wide world.
Which leads me to my next point: if you can't talk to people about your issue, then you don't have any right whatsoever to blame people or rant about what's bothering you. No one told you to keep it all in. It's your choice. If you don't have the balls to talk about issues, then you do not have the right to rant about it anywhere else. This is something I make sure I exercise now. I can't count the number of times I seriously just want to walk up to some people and tell them they really need to straighten up because I don't find anything they're doing to be amusing. However, I am not really the confrontational type, and I have a tendency to let things pass, so I just remind myself that I didn't do anything about what's bothering me, so I have no right whatsoever to rant about it.
True friendships also mean tough love. For the past month, I have kept quiet, but there are people who successfully squeezed some information out of me or those I needed to tell because it will get in the way of work, or I just plainly needed comfort, and through all these, I have to swallow my pride and listen to what they have to say as to what part of the blame I needed to take. I never said I was 100% right. It takes two to tango after all. That means, I must've done something wrong, and my real friends talked to me and told me "You shouldn't have done this" or "You should have done this instead". After one very long conversation with a friend where he practically bashed me (HAHA), I messaged him a "thank you" and that I appreciated the things he pointed out, and he replied with "Ok lang yun para mas lalo pang tumagal ang pakakaibigan naten." True friends will guide you and will try to make you a better person even if it means you're going to get hurt.
Only time really heals wounds. You can try crying out loud, laughing out loud, and smashing your breakfast tray. At the end of the day, however, you still hurt and you break your favorite (because it's the only one you have) breakfast tray. Fast forward to a year after (and keeping quiet for a while), however, you will find yourself to not be hurting anymore and on your way to a full recovery. There's no easy way out of pain. Sometimes, you just have to let it be. Let it stay at a standstill. In time, and without you realizing it, you'll see that it has healed already -- and on its own, too. You can't rush some things. You just really have to let time do its work.
You have to see the beauty in the things that you have lost. I feel like one thing that kept me going the past year is how I realized that I have gained some things in place of those that I have lost. When things ended last year and last month, I had to constantly remind myself of everything I have gained: friends, friendship with people I can't stand before, having the chance to take care of myself, etc. Things don't happen just so you can suffer. Things happen because they have to happen.
Stop complaining about work. Work is tiring, but work keeps us alive. Therefore, it's not something we should be complaining about. If we have a lot of things to complain about work, then we should just leave our jobs. A few months before, I can probably rant non-stop about how tired I am, how I am not paid enough, etc, etc. But then after I looked for some jobs online and still stuck with the job I've been doing for almost four years now, I realized that I am not getting out because I am getting something from my job -- something good. I realized then that I do not really have any right to complain and rant about things. If I want something else, then I should just go look for something else instead of complaining with what I have, or I can do something about my complaints so that I will stop complaining.
Let things go if they are not working for you. One's happiness is important because you can never make anyone happy if you aren't happy. This means, you have to go after what will make you happy. When you keep things that are not working for you, you build bitterness inside you until there is nothing left but that. Drama is also only good when it's on TV. It's not good anywhere else, so you have to avoid the drama and what's causing it. It will make everyone happy eventually. Also, only the strong can let go.
Lastly, if you can't be there for people, then just pray for them. It sounds cheesy, but God hears us. And He will be able to do a lot more than you can. If you can't do something for someone, it's time to let God do it. He is, after all, God, and much, much powerful than you are.
I am pretty sure that I have learned more than these, but I can only squeeze so much out of my brain at 2 o'clock in the morning. I have to write these, though, so I won't forget. I have an awesome God who keeps on reminding me about what he already taught me that I forget, and I really don't want to go through all the shitty experiences just because I am forgetful. I am keeping these here so that I will always remember. :)
