Friday, June 24, 2016

Coming full circle

It was the year 2010 when I got my heart broken. I remember it was May 25, so around this time six years ago, I wrote a great deal about it in this blog and wrote even more emo, kadiri, heartbreak statuses in Facebook. My favorite social media site has evolved so much that it kept on reminding me about these posts every year. I didn't go around making a deal of deleting them. These weren't good memories, but these remind me that things will work out in the end. I like being reminded of that.

The past five years were ok. After all, it didn't take me a year to find someone who will make my heart go a-flutter again. I have lived my life as happily as I can. I am more in love now than I had ever been in my entire life. But you never really fully recover from heartbreak and the trauma it brought you. There are a lot of things in this world that brings back the pain. Not the intense pain I felt in 2010, but a tiny tug in my being reminding me that something awful happened a long time ago. To be honest, I don't even remember what it was like being with my ex. Sometimes, I'd stumble on his name in mutual friends' pages, and I feel like I don't know the guy anymore. That is weird because I have never forgotten the pain he's brought into my life.

Yes, the past five years were ok. Until June 20 this year rolled around. It was time once again for Facebook to remind me of my emo statuses from the past, but this year, sitting on top of the On This Day reminders, on top of all my shitty heartbreak posts, is this one:

And it felt like I have finally come full circle. It was a complete reversal of where I was six years ago. I felt like God told me, "Diba sabi ko Ako ang bahala sa'yo?" And, indeed, God has been so faithful to me.

He made sure that I never lost faith in my happy ending even when I was reeling in pain. Somehow, I knew that eventually it will work out. It didn't make the pain any less painful, but it helped me look forward. 2010 feels like a lifetime ago already. 

And now, here I am, a few months away from our forever. Sometimes, I look at Gerald as he sleeps, and my heart can't stop doing silly little dances. I am so lucky; I really am. God really made it up to me. Siguro sinasabi Niya, "Ayan ha. Bayad na Ako sa utang Ko sa'yo. With interest pa."

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