Change

One really gets something from bad experiences. Last year, when I still had this urge to kill my ex, I have flooded my Facebook and this blog with hate statuses and entries that detailed every pain I was feeling and retaliating for everything that Hub said or did against me. Today, 11 months after we broke up, I find myself to be a different person.

I don't want to rehash anything anymore about what's happening in my life lately. I have learned how to keep my peace already. I guess, I don't find the urge to defend myself or make sense out of things because now I have learned that it is enough that I know my stand and why I think I am right. If people will think I am wrong, then that's their problem. If they want to tell people things about me, then that's their problem again.

I guess the thought that I am very happy now and that I am keeping this happiness inside where no one can mess around with it also helps. No matter how shitty the things have been said are, I find myself angry one minute and then happy the next whenever I see Yayay's "hahaha" in the chatbox or when he tells me "I miss you more". Suddenly, nothing is wrong in this world anymore. I guess I am just really lucky that way that I don't find myself using up my energy on negative activities like posting statuses in FB targeted to certain people.

I am just really happy to finally change and keep my peace now. That's one less load to carry.

How to Make Me Shut Up

When I got a pretty flower arrangement a few years back with a single rose, I said "Who says you need a lot of roses to feel special?" Today, I got 4 dozen roses, and boy, did it change my viewpoint. "Special" suddenly seemed not good enough.

Thanks, Kalbs, for rendering me speechless and incoherent for a good 30 minutes. :) Happy First Month even if we didn't see each other. I love you so much. :)

For My Yayay

Dear Kalbs,

When we started, I have a lot of fear in me. I just came from a relationship that didn't turn out the way I hoped it would, and my short-lived tries with romance last year didn't give me promising results. But then, you came (or rather, stepped up, as you have already been there), and no one has reassured me of his love the way you did: you were consistent, you stood up for me and you against my mama, you never promised me anything, you made things fun and easy, you were not afraid to say "no" to me. And little by little, I found I am holding on more to you than the fear I initially had.

It has just been a month, but that month was nothing but bliss. You make me miss you the moment you go home. You make me look forward to seeing you all week long. You reassure me that you'll be there and show me that well, too. We may not be spending too much time together, but I know that when you're with me, you're with me, and that I don't need to compete for your attention. It's mine as long as you're with me. The thing is you also make me feel that you are mine even when you're not around. The calls in between your busy workdays let me know that I don't need to fret because even with 3 cities in between us, lots of emails to answer, and site visits to make, you are thinking of me.

I want to say that I don't want to ask for more, but I can't because there is something more I want: I want more of you and me, of us. More weekends, more weeks, more months. Even forever if God permits. A lot of things changed when you came, and quite honestly, they all changed for the awesome. You are a great partner to have that I can be nothing else but grateful to finally be with you.

Happy 1st Month, Love. I love you. :)

~ Kulots