Change

One really gets something from bad experiences. Last year, when I still had this urge to kill my ex, I have flooded my Facebook and this blog with hate statuses and entries that detailed every pain I was feeling and retaliating for everything that Hub said or did against me. Today, 11 months after we broke up, I find myself to be a different person.

I don't want to rehash anything anymore about what's happening in my life lately. I have learned how to keep my peace already. I guess, I don't find the urge to defend myself or make sense out of things because now I have learned that it is enough that I know my stand and why I think I am right. If people will think I am wrong, then that's their problem. If they want to tell people things about me, then that's their problem again.

I guess the thought that I am very happy now and that I am keeping this happiness inside where no one can mess around with it also helps. No matter how shitty the things have been said are, I find myself angry one minute and then happy the next whenever I see Yayay's "hahaha" in the chatbox or when he tells me "I miss you more". Suddenly, nothing is wrong in this world anymore. I guess I am just really lucky that way that I don't find myself using up my energy on negative activities like posting statuses in FB targeted to certain people.

I am just really happy to finally change and keep my peace now. That's one less load to carry.

How to Make Me Shut Up

When I got a pretty flower arrangement a few years back with a single rose, I said "Who says you need a lot of roses to feel special?" Today, I got 4 dozen roses, and boy, did it change my viewpoint. "Special" suddenly seemed not good enough.

Thanks, Kalbs, for rendering me speechless and incoherent for a good 30 minutes. :) Happy First Month even if we didn't see each other. I love you so much. :)

For My Yayay

Dear Kalbs,

When we started, I have a lot of fear in me. I just came from a relationship that didn't turn out the way I hoped it would, and my short-lived tries with romance last year didn't give me promising results. But then, you came (or rather, stepped up, as you have already been there), and no one has reassured me of his love the way you did: you were consistent, you stood up for me and you against my mama, you never promised me anything, you made things fun and easy, you were not afraid to say "no" to me. And little by little, I found I am holding on more to you than the fear I initially had.

It has just been a month, but that month was nothing but bliss. You make me miss you the moment you go home. You make me look forward to seeing you all week long. You reassure me that you'll be there and show me that well, too. We may not be spending too much time together, but I know that when you're with me, you're with me, and that I don't need to compete for your attention. It's mine as long as you're with me. The thing is you also make me feel that you are mine even when you're not around. The calls in between your busy workdays let me know that I don't need to fret because even with 3 cities in between us, lots of emails to answer, and site visits to make, you are thinking of me.

I want to say that I don't want to ask for more, but I can't because there is something more I want: I want more of you and me, of us. More weekends, more weeks, more months. Even forever if God permits. A lot of things changed when you came, and quite honestly, they all changed for the awesome. You are a great partner to have that I can be nothing else but grateful to finally be with you.

Happy 1st Month, Love. I love you. :)

~ Kulots

On Freedom and Independence

I always remind myself that not everyone is as "free" and "independent" as I am. A lot of people my age (and even older) have families to go home to, parents to take care of, parents who will nag when their kids don't go home, parents who will nag when their kids go home too late... and there is me.

I have stopped coming home to Alabang for more than a year already. I've been out of my parents' loving shelter since 2008. It started quite hard. I remember crying every time Mama goes home after staying in my apartment for the night and at random times when I just miss the family too much. But I've since moved on from such sudden attacks of sadness and can say that I am just really enjoying my life of semi-freedom right now.

There are a lot of things I enjoy from my semi-freedom: not needing to report to Mama all the time, go home as late as I please (though I am really responsible, I can say, that I don't stay out too late. The streets are not safe anyway), entertain people the way I want to in my own house, leave my house as messy as I want it to be (but this is something I have to answer to my Mother when she sleeps in once a week and find my house in utter chaos. Haha.). I may be spending too much on things I don't really need to spend on if I live under my parents' wing (rent, bills, groceries), but that high I get when I tell people "Oh, I used to be from Alabang but I've been living on my own since 2008" well, yeah. Nothing can compare to that.

I sometimes forget that most people my age doesn't have this kind of luxury (yes, I want to call it that), and most of the time, I find myself having to understand when plans are cut short because people have to go home to their parents because anything later than 4am and things are not going to get pretty. It's not that I don't want to understand. I have trained myself to understand a lot of things in this world in the past few months. I have already committed a lot of mistakes to last me until the next lifetime, I don't want to add to those anymore. I want to understand because there are a lot of things more important to me that comes with understanding (which I am not going to put here). But that tiny speck of disappointment I get when I understand... that bugs me. But then again, I have already started on this whole "understanding" journey anyway, I might as well see this 'til the end. And I am pretty sure there are a lot of things I can occupy myself during those times when there is, well, just me.

Yakimix

I want to say that I am really busy with all sorts of things, except that it would be considered lying. So far, the only things taking up my week are work on weekdays and Kalbs on weekends. Saturday last week, we stuffed ourselves crazy at Yakimix in Greenbelt 3. We got there 4:30pm, and the place was closed. We didn't know (haha), but we were informed by the guard that they will open for dinner at 5:30pm. We stayed near Bubba Gump a floor down and went back at 5:25pm. Just in time, I thought, and this is the crowd that greeted us:

There is a friggin' line, and not just a line, mind you. This is just that part that my camera was able to reach. There are more people on both sides. Good thing we still got there on time and Yayay got us a table. And ours was right beside the buffet! Haha. I wish I took a picture of that, but we read somewhere that taking pictures of the buffet table is not allowed, so I really didn't bother anymore. Besides, why would I even bother when there is so much food in sight? Yes, didn't bother at all! :P

I had a grand time cooking even if I turned them all to carcinogens after...

I asked if he wants them tutong anyway, and he said yes. F na F kong housewife ako. Promise! :D Haha. At dahil mabuti kang boyfriend, ipaghimay mo ko ng hipon, Engr.:

Anyway, here is Yayay looking like his usual pogi self:

And then, of course, there is us:

And then here is our playmate from the table behind us:

All she ate were popsicles. I sure wish she got in for free...

After stuffing ourselves and personally feeling like everything I ate is on their way out of my mouth, we went to Greenbelt 1's Onstage Theater to watch Repertory Philippines' Shakespeare in Hollywood. I wish I have pictures, but cameras were not allowed inside. But let me take this opportunity to suggest that you guys watch it. It will run until the 17th of April (that's this Sunday). It is quite funny. Cris Villonco is awesomesauce and meaty! Haha. I think I'll (we, hopefully) be going to watch more plays in the future (I'm actually eyeing Peter Pan next. When's that again?)

That's just about how my Saturday went. I think Yayay and I will have to put a lot of our usual galas on hold for a while because we really, REALLY need to save up for Palawan for June. Yay! The flight's been booked and we'll be booking our accommodations next week. Excited doesn't even begin to describe how I feel. Come, June, come already! =)

First Outing with Yayay's friends

I am not very big on outings. I almost never went on one with the ex's friends (except the one with FS3 because they are probably one of the nicest people I know). I am choosy with people. If there is any doubt on whether one will be a good company, then I would never even try to spend time with that person. But I never had second thoughts about the Casa Ibiza outing. Yayay asked if I wanted to come and I said yes. I was a bit shy, but I know I want to get to know them.

And I am happy I went! Hehe. I am not chummy with them yet, but they're nice people. I am still a bit shy, but they didn't intimidate me at all. It helped that they interrogated me. Haha. At least I don't need to try too hard to talk to them because I am not the best conversationalist on this side of the planet. In short -- I suck at talking to people I don't know. I wish I stayed up late with them, though, but I ate too much at Slice N Dice I feel like barfing when I am sitting, so I went to bed early. But I am game for the next outing! :)

We stayed at one of Casa Ibiza's grand villas. The place is so-so, and I am already being very nice about that. The website is pretty impressive, but I guess pictures have a way of fooling people. Had dinner at Slice N Dice in Antipolo. Went back to Casa Ibiza after and Yayay and I went for a dip in the pool. LAMIG! Sayang ang second swimsuit ko because I didn't dare swim the next day anymore. Haha. Oh well. It's going to get worn in June. :) Left the place around 12noon the next day and then ate at Cyma Eastwood for lunch and then we went bowling after. Normally, I don't do anything for the first time with people I am not close to, but I don't want to be such a KJ, so I said yes to their prodding. :) It was pretty fun, and I am happy to not have made a fool of myself. I think all the Wii time at Bes' house helped. :)

At Slice N Dice (me, Diana, Dennis, Claude, Rona, and Arlene)


I know I'm not in this photo. I just posted this because look at Yayay, so pogi! Hehe.


I didn't go back to the pool in the morning.


At Crescent Moon Cafe.


I looked like I am not up to anything good.


After two bowling games.

I grabbed everything from Dennis' Casa Ibisucks album in Facebook. I brought my camera, but I got too lazy to take pictures.